Seaons Parodies! I, uh, mean, greetings!
by Luthien Persephone
Summary: Pointless and random humour...what more could you ask for? I truly cannot be bothered to finish this...I may wrtie a Halloween one...or I may just leave it completeley...
1. What the hey, its Valenrines day!

Well, this is an utterly pointless and short fanfiction.I wrote it at 2 am last night.or this morning.or whatever. Neh. Who cares anyway, its Valentines Day..any excuse for randomness..  
  
Early one morning, a massive flock of carrier pigeons fly down the valley to Rivendell. *** "Pah, Valentines. Its just some old tradition you nancy elves exploited. Who needs it?" Spat Gandalf  
  
"Oh, do shut up 'Dalfy," said Elrond in a bored voice. "Just because you didn't get any."  
  
"That has nothing to do with it, I was merely - Look!" He pointed furiously out of a window. "By Eru, even the dwarf got one!"  
  
Indeed, Gimli had received two Valentines, although one was from his mother. Arwen and Aragorn sat in a corner, exchanging ridiculously pink and fluffy tokens of their love, as Aragorn shoved his card from Eowyn in a pocket and Arwen sat on hers from a certain Smeagol.  
  
Both Merry and Pippin had woken to find matching cards on their pillows, bearing the wax seals of Minas Tirith and inviting them to blow the Horn of Gondor. Nobody could fathom who had sent them.  
  
Bilbo stayed in his room, recounting his one card over and over as the senility set in.  
  
A large pile of cards tottered past, which tripped over its hairy toes to reveal a somewhat shell-shocked Frodo. Sam rushed to help him up and surrupticiously slipped his own card into the pile.  
  
"And as for that stupid nancy git." Whined the pointy-hatted one, gesturing to Legolas, who had done nothing all morning but sit and loudly count his cards, He was somewhere around 22389. Even Bill the pony found love, as Asfaloth had not left his stable all night. And outside could be heard the faint hiss of "Happy Valentines Day, my preciousssssss."  
  
Gandalf threw his pointy hat on the floor in disgust, but hastily picked it up again as ACME white rabbits began hopping out of it. He looked accusingly at Elrond.  
  
"Anyway, how many did *you* get?"  
  
"Three. One from Arwen -" He looked blankly back at Gandalf's raised eyebrow. "What? She was testing out the stationary for Aragorn Sonofabi- yeah, him. Then there was one from Galadriel." The wizard's pther eyebrow went up. "Whaaat? She was trying out the pen for Celeborn's card. And then -" He stopped suddenly.  
  
"And the third?" Prompted the aged bore  
  
"I really would rather not say."  
  
"Ha! I bet you didn't get *any* , did you?" Elrond looked insulted. "I did," he said, holding up three envelopes. "So nerrrrr!" He made to put them away again, but Gandalf magically lost his inability to move without his stick, and snatched them from the elf.  
  
" 'To Daddy. Am trying out new stationary for you know who. Love you, mwah, your little Starshine.'" Gandalf read the card and tossed it over his shoulder. "Next. ' Elrond. Just checking out new pen set from Gap of Rohan. See you in Next Age. Galadriel.' Neh." The card flew over his shoulder and concussed a passing Ringwraith. "Aha! 'To Sexy Elf Boy. Happy V. Day. I know being a giant eye makes it hard, but why don't we kiss and make up? Wear the purple dress and tiara ;- ) Great Ball Of Fire, Sauron. Ps, seen my Ring?'" 


	2. April Fools!

APRIL FOOLS! Yet another pointless parody.....you asked, you got..  
Disclaimer - I own nothing! NOTHING I TELL YOU!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!  
"Hey, Pippin, you've got something on your jacket. Looks like beer," said Merry, and flicked the Took's nose as he looked down. "Ha! April Fools!" He laughed at his friends expression.  
  
The company had stopped to rest in a little copse in Hollin, after their ordeal on Caradhras. Frodo looked up. "What if they don't know what happened on the mountain? You haven't written about it." He said, frowning.  
  
Oh shut up, or I'll set Samwise on you. Frodo hurridly clamped his mouth shut. Ah, how I love toying with them.anyway, if you don't know what happened on the mountain, GO READ THE BOOK YOU LAZY ****!! "Bitch," muttered Frodo. I heard that! I'm warning you.Anyway. The company were resting, and the hobbits were amusing themselves with April Fools, while the others pretended it was beneath them. Frodo patted Pippin on the back. "Its ok, we all fall for them occaisionally," he said, sticking a "Kick Me" sign on Pippin's back. Everyone responded, until the poor hobbit whirled round and ripped the sign off.  
  
"April Fools, Pip!" laughed Frodo, clutching his sides.  
  
As the morning wore on, Peregrin became the butt of the Fellowship's jokes. Legolas pinned pink bows in the hobbit's hair, Boromir sat him on his sword and spun him till he was dizzy, and even Sam managed to trip him over. Bill the pony joined in, and kicked Pip so he bounced on the ground, and Gimli and Aragorn stole his pipeweed, although that may not have been a prank.  
  
By near noon, Pippin was very annoyed. He had been poked, punched, ripped and tickled, and he had not yet pulled a prank on anyone else. Suddenly, he had an idea, and rummaged through the Fellowship's bags for a pen and paper.  
  
A little while later, he trotted up to Gandalf, smirking. "Oh, Gandalf, this letter came for you back in February, and I kinda forgot to give to ya, and all." He held out a crude pink envelope. The wizard took it, his bristly eyebrows bristling.  
  
"Deer Ganddalf. Appy Val'n'tynes Day. Lov, Sarumon. Xxx" he read aloud. Pippin cracked up.  
  
"April Fools!!" He yelled between sniggers.  
  
"Actually," said the aged geezer, "Its passed noon, so you're the April Fool."  
  
"And you know the Shire Fool Rules, Pip," said Merry, grinning wickedly. "The Fool's fool has to kiss the Fooler." "Pucker up!" said Gandalf, leaning forward. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pippin screamed.  
  
Oh, how I love tormenting them! And see, nice reviewer person? Gandalf got his Valentine after all.BWAHAHAHAHA!! Tune in next time kids..for the Attack of the Easter Bunnies.. 


End file.
